Letting go… a real school of unlearning! I don’t know if you’ve been following my blog from the beginning and if you have read some of my recent posts. I strongly suggest you read some of them so you get a better idea of what I’m about to share … but hey, feel free to stay and read only this one … there is surely a place of growth for all.
As you might know, my return to Canada hasn’t been simple. It was more of a process of unlearning than anything else. I went from working in Europe and feeling at home to suddenly coming back to my hometown and feeling really lost.
I had to reevaluate my core values, figure out what was wrong and tackle the problem. Meditation has been my keen partner in all of this process and my friends have also been very present through it all.
But, by now you are probably wondering what was wrong? Well, there was a lot to deal with. I usually share a lot of personal details, but I also avoid talking about others, so I will try my best to explain where I’m coming from and how all these events have been a place of true growth.
Letting Go of My Standards
So yeah, while in Italy, I can truly sayI did a lot of self-healing and became aware of many things.. It was almost like an emotional bootcamp in which I needed to accept myself. Yes, sounds weird, but how can I truly love others if I don’t love myself?
You probably could grasp a lot of what I’m saying in my posts from my time in Italy. Well, among all of the things I’ve learned through my journey, one of the core realizations is how we need to find happiness within ourselves before we make the huge mistake of looking for it in others. If we don’t have it in us, unless we have a gifted soulmate connection, we will never find it in others.
How many people have everything one can dream of… the perfect job, the perfect house, great finances, etc., but are not happy at all? Let’s just throw this out there, we will never find true happiness in things or others.
It seems obvious, we all repeat it, we all give it as advice to others … but how many of us truly live by this rule? We keep being tempted by the new car, the perfect house, the perfect husband, etc., we do not find satisfaction in what we have, we keep longing for more … isn’t the grass always greener in the neighbour’s yard
Letting Go… A Process of Unlearning!
This leads us to a choice (one of two things): letting go of our standards or trying to fill the void with all sorts of superficial things. It is said simply, but how hard it is to unlearn the constructs of society and of our upbringing. We are fed “needs,” we are constantly solicited for the better and newer model of whatever we do or use. We need to let go!
Even through my spiritual journey I surprised myself longing for spiritual goods/tools and never being satisfied with what I had. It is a very insidious interior programming that we carry onto so many aspects of our lives.
As an example, while a monk, I had a plastic rosary. And suddenly when I saw another monk holding a wooden rosary, I needed it. I had the wooden rosary, but the other monk, who seemed to have such deep connection with God, had a rose petal rosary from Burgos! Well, suddenly I needed it. Basically, it was never enough. The rosary is just one example out of many. I can tell you about my leather covers for my breviaries, the Roman chasubles I paid tons of money for, etc. Did that make me pray better? No … I needed to dig deeper into my core being and find the path to my heart where I would be able to meet God… I did not need the newer “super rosary 2000” to get me there. Those were just distractions.
Letting Go of Everything to Truly Find Yourself
The same thing sort of happened just now as I was looking for an apartment. I’d visit a few and would feel knots in my stomach because of how old the buildings were, how bad the neighbourhood seemed or, as far as that goes, how evil it could possibly smell.
Imagine, I went from a modern monastery, to nice rectories, to condos of my own, to a nice and cozy house and now I’m finding myself in an old apartment. Let’s just say that it’s a huge difference with what I’ve known until now.
But I needed to apply the same reflection. What is the purpose of my apartment? Isn’t it to make me feel at home, to have a place I can call mine and where I can take refuge? Once, I was finally able to let go of my expectations and intellectual constructs, I found the perfect place!
I needed to let go of what I was dreaming of, of what I was longing for, of house models I was used to, of the perfect neighbourhood, etc., to be able to find the hidden gem. So I did … and you know what? It’s in the perfect neighbourhood … the one where I wanted to live in the past.
Letting Go… Making Dreams Come True
I’ve experienced this same sort of “miracle” so many times in my life. When you stop looking, or let go of what you are looking for, you end up finding. When you let go of your expectations of others, you end up finding their inner beauty. When you stop hoping for a better life, you end up finding the gems in your present life.
I’m not telling you to stop dreaming nor to stop setting goals. Quite the contrary, I think it’s more about finding the right balance between your goals and the fact of being open to what life has to offer.
It’s a necessary balance that needs to be found within us. Aiming for a greater future without setting limits and boundaries to what can show up and be much more fulfilling.
I’m not totally there yet … but I think that my last few months have been a crash course on how to let go of all my expectations. Lol.
I feel as if, I’m slowly letting go of so many things. My past wounds and relationships, my past struggles and challenges, my past expectations, etc. These were secretly conditioning me in ways you cannot imagine. They kept me prisoner of situations I was not happy to be in! They kept me prisoner of relationships that were toxic, etc.
I’m now trying to focus on what I have and who I am here and now! There is so much out there for me to make me happy and fulfilled. All I need to do is let go of what no longer serves me and take a huge bite into this next chapter of my life.
Have you ever experienced anything like that? Are there things you needed to let go of? Don’t hesitate to comment (on my website) and share. It’s always a pleasure to read you.
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